I took a brief stroll in the park this morning after leaving the hotel on West 58th and 6th — it felt nice to just be present and take everything in. I don’t remember the last time I wandered around without being in a rush to get somewhere.

I took some photos of people with artistic intentions since I have been contemplating getting a camera, and realized I have had one in my hands all this time (my phone). Observing my surroundings and other people by taking on the perspective of a photographer was something I had never done until today.

Doing so was both exciting, but also revealing of the nature of New York. It reminded me how interesting a place New York City is, with millions of people, faces, each with its own unique story. And then there’s the rich history of the city itself. Though I am no expert, I can feel the marks of the city’s forebearers everywhere I go – etched into every block in the form of century old buildings and cobblestone streets, to Central Park’s horse carriages and towering trees with too many rings to count.

On a gloomy day like today, the usual contrast between the city’s glass skyscrapers, bright LED screens, phones, and sleek cars and the city’s old infrastructure, buildings of past, and dim subway tunnels is particularly pronounced. Harmonious and chaotic at the same time, it makes me appreciative of the progress we have made, yet doubtful of the direction we are headed in, as our seemingly endless pursuit of convenience, comfort, and prosperity have multiplied the quantity and severity of our problems, which grow by the day.

There was something special about slowing down amidst the non-stop pace of the city. I realized that my default state is to be focused on myself and my problems, and when I am out and about, it’s getting somewhere I have to be. While I am finding my bearings and which street to turn on, I am also worrying. What am I going to eat later? How should I manage my workload this week? Why are there so many things I have to do? And so on. As such, I’m inclined to shut out everything around me. I might be curt to those asking for help, those simply in my way on the streets, and annoyed when I see people around me who seem to be doing better.

Being too inwardly focused takes away my empathy for others, and leaves me disengaged from the rest of the world. It makes me a colder person towards my loved ones, and also towards myself. My tendency to disassociate using technology, social media, and video games goes hand-in-hand with this. It is running away from my problems, which perpetuates, rather than heals. I now see the importance of clearing your head from time to time, to be present, to take in your surroundings, and to reflect, process, and regain perspective.

This morning showed me that there is value in being a tourist in your own city. Being present and appreciating the sights and sounds of the streets is something we forget to do once we’ve settled and grown familiar with our environment. Things that used to be novel become mundane and we lose interest. We start to fixate on the negative things, like the trash on the streets, foul subway smells, or blaring sirens, losing sight of all that was once “good” in our eyes.

This makes me wonder why people our age and in general today, myself included, constantly appear to be escaping routine and familiarity. Is it such a bad thing? Loss of interest from repeated exposure is such a core part of life around me today. It’s everywhere – from our jobs and who we date to the music we listen to and the clothes we wear. Is this simply being young and exploring what life has to offer, where one day we’ll mature and find stability? Or is it more symptomatic of the world we live in today, where rampant consumerism has reached near every aspect of our lives?

I think it’s both, but largely the latter, which worries me. I feel the world around me changing so quickly, and with that our way of life. Looking back on the short amount of time I have been alive, I now see how I have been swept along by every new trend, fad, piece of technology, and so on. Constantly wanting to be “in,” perhaps to be “cool” as a kid, and now as an adult to be “accepted” by societal standards.

I feel both anxious and fearful of a life like this. I want to learn to live on my own terms, to learn how to look inwards for the answers, and to become a more disciplined and resilient person. In doing so I hope to find more purpose, fulfillment, and happiness.

Glancing down the train section I found myself on this morning, it was refreshing to see a man dancing by himself to whatever he was listening to, and to hear two bubbly women conversing near him, since the rest of the train was glued to their phones. It is a powerful irony, that I would have been irked by the dancing and talking individuals if I had been absorbed by my phone, as I often am, on train rides. This realization scares me, and I again wonder if the technological progress we are making is “real” progress.

My 6-stop train ride on the A train from Columbus Circle/59th Street down to Fulton Street in FiDi was as typical as any commute I make on a regular basis, yet it was terribly thought provoking and full of revelations – about my own being, the way I see the world, and where I am in life.

I am appreciative of this period of time I have before starting a new job, as it has allowed me to step away from what has felt like a rather “pointless” pursuit that I have been subscribed to in vain for most of my life, especially in the past 2 to 3 years since I joined the workforce.

Though every now and then I still catch myself comparing things like my salary, job title, and my self-perceived level of happiness to those around me, it’s days like today that remind me that I am not alone in my struggles, and that personal growth, while slow and difficult, will come with awareness, time, and effort. I am thankful for the life I have today, for my loved ones and good health, and I am curious about what tomorrow holds.